Valentine's Day is a Capitalist Scam…
And I'm an avid Romance reader! So let's talk Romance books, internalized misogyny, HEAs, patriarchy and steamy reads!
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I hope we show our love for those we care about every day in all the ways and not only by consumer and societal approved ways on February 14th. I’m cynical about all this. AND I love romance books. If you are interested in trying out Romance books, or know someone who loves Romance books, please continue reading and share. If you secretly (or openly) mock Romance books and those who read them, please continue reading! If you think Romance books are only for women or heteronormative relationships, then please continue reading.
Romance Book recommendations will come to you tomorrow on the actual DAY OF LOVE!
“For most people, the words “romance novel” come with an uncomfortably amusing stigma. They conjure up images of cheap paperbacks with covers featuring shirtless men or swooning Regency ladies and suggestive titles that barely scratch the surface of the guilty pleasures inside. Sitcoms portray them as a pastime of bored middle-aged housewives seeking a temporary escape from their passionless marriages.” - The Laurentian
It’s a big genre - there is literally something for everyone. Personally, I love contemporary romances and historical romances. When it comes to historical romances, my preferred eras are Gilded Age of the U.S.(oh the capitalist/robber baron irony) and Regency, Victorian and Georgian England (oh the colonial irony - let me tell you, when the East India Company, West Indies/Sugar trade comes up, it def ruins the romantic/sexy vibe for me). I do NOT like westerns, I don’t enjoy shape shifter, alien, religious or sci fi-romance, but you see where I’m going, there is something for EVERYONE, of any identity and orientation!
And the tropes, oh the tropes. My favorites are Enemies to Lovers, Fake Relationship, Grumpy/Sunshine, Secret Identity, and cross class/race love that fights the odds/society! I love me a Grumpy Duke and a Wallflower and Rakes and Bluestockings (IYKYK).
I’ve been reading Romance books since I was a tween, some with permission (Sweet Valley High) and some in secret (Harlequins, etc). On trips to India in the 80s, my older cousins would take me to the local circulating library and get me Mills & Boon Romance books. I was hooked, devoured them fast and would walk back again to trade them in for more and more. When I returned to the US, I found Harlequins, and later realized it was the same company as Mills & Boon! Looking back, there were some issues in addition to all white leads, all heterosexual stories. There were lots of messed up power dynamics - CEOs and Secretaries, Doctors and Nurses, also randomly Sheiks working in London, so wearing “western clothes” but who were “exotic” and then very manly and bossy, because you know…stereotypes, also lots of “dark and swarthy” Greek and/or Spanish billionaires…
“I do want to say that the chick lit from yesteryear could often perpetuate harmful misogyny itself. There’s a few romance novels I used to adore and have gone back for a re-read and cringe so hard because my understanding (and ours as a society) of consent and desire and sexual pleasure has changed so drastically from when I was younger. - Alchemy Bookshop
These covers are about white, I mean about right😂😂. I used to justify my reading to adults, that all these romance books made me a fast reader and the historical romances educated me. I def knew more about the monarchy and Lord Byron because of these books. I knew a lot about wars with the French and trade and Industrial Revolution and the gilded age as well. I liked the books, they were my escape and I was also good at school because of them!! It worked for me!
I hid that I read them growing up. All I ever saw was society and people at home and in school making fun of romance books and the people - girls and women- who read them. They were unserious, the books and their readers. Even the phrase “Chick Lit” is diminishing, I know folks are trying to reclaim it now but I still hate it. Do we call Spy Novels “Dude Lit?” I think not.
This hiding continued in college as the added layer of elite condescension came fast and furious there. And by my early 20s, I stopped reading them entirely. Even I thought I was too good and too smart to read them, and focused purely on “real” books — this is sad for so many reasons.
“Romance is the only major genre primarily written by and for women. Because of, you know, the patriarchy, it’s not surprising it’s so devalued and denigrated despite the fact that romance and erotica combined are the top grossing genre in the US (1.44 BILLION dollars in 2017), beating out crime/mystery/thrillers, fantasy/science fiction, religious/inspirational, and horror, all by a long shot. What’s surprising to me is that looking back on my feminist education throughout my twenties, I think a lot of my misconceptions and negative perceptions of romance novels actually came from feminist discourse. Pretty sad.” - HAS INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEEN STOPPING ME FROM READING ROMANCE NOVELS MY WHOLE LIFE?
As I came back to the books in my own time, I was excited to find that the genre had grown. While publishing still has a long way to go, there are now so many more stories and storytellers I wish I had growing up. My favorite authors tell love stories all over the spectrum of sexuality, gender identity, body shape and neurodivergence.
They tell love stories across all races, nationalities, class and life experiences rooted in reality even while moving towards that genre-required HEA (Happily Ever After). There are loving, but often funny and snarky, sexy stories of consent and of power. And the banter, I love banter!
And like so many things, when I started sharing my romance love openly, guess what? I found out that many others in my world enjoyed them too. Saying it out loud, getting away from the shame, opened up more for me, in both books and authors and in my friendships!
And like everything in this world you have to read with a critical eye. Some authors write old school, patriarchy focused romance stories, some authors push violence without consent stories, some authors write white savior love stories. Some are cruelly transphobic and homophobic. Sadly there is a market and audience for all this. Knowing what you are getting into is key. There was even a rightful reckoning (multiple times) at the Romance Writers of America because of racial insensitivity and bias. Culture, as always, reflects our society, and the institutions that gate keep, they keep on keepin’ on.
“I don’t love all romance … far from it. There are valid critiques to be made about the genre, and about many of the books within the genre (cough cough, Fifty Shades). Nobody should feel forced to like any genre, be it romance or historical fiction. But if you find yourself prejudiced towards an entire genre, think carefully about why that is. Does it mean you have some deeply internalized issues to work through? Does it tell you anything about your own biases and oppressive beliefs?” — The Tempest
So I’m a proud romance reader and evangelist for the best of the genre. And I love a steamy romance as well as a not so steamy romance, but mostly steamy!
Romance books are not a guilty pleasure. For me they are pure pleasure (pun intended).
I still don’t believe in the Valentine’s Day Industrial Complex, the spending around it and the guilt and loneliness it spawns amongst so many people. I do believe in Love-the kind of love that Bell Hooks writes about. And I will be intentional in my love tomorrow when I share my romance book recommendations with you💕💕
